Sin A Little
by Eccentric Me
Summary: When a fictional character is as broken as you, curse the world to no end, and sin a little like you do.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

I watched her as she sweetly exchanged sweet gazes with him. Or in my perspective, disgustingly exchanged sickeningly sweet gazes with him. It will not be in vain if said gaze is directed towards me.

Me.

But no, of all the people, the universe conspired that it should be him. My annoying and hard to live with brother. A freaking cliché. So, what if I'm a girl? It's not a problem. I'll take care of her like a man should.

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"Hey daydreamer! Very early in the morning to have murderous thoughts!"

"Shut up"

"Hmmm, I see. Fiery. You know, you are just wasting your time pinning your attention to her. Get a man. Take me for example." Shaoran smirked.

"Yeah you should be minding your own business. If I know, I have a bigger dick than you."

Only him knew the truth. Not my brother. Not my family. Not my friends. Definitely not her.

For unknown reason, Shaoran knew all along.

"Sakura, Sakura. Mind the date when you'll be completely under my spell. You'll beg for every touch that I could give you. You won't even remember your name."

He stepped closer to her.

She never backed down. She closed the gap between them. Only centimeters away now.

"Since when you are saying that exactly? I even memorized it. Get real. How about never?"

"Little one, you know nothing about seduction." He smiled seductively, yeah, take that, seductively.

In spite of herself, she blushed then pushed him away. Hard. He stumbled but laugh anyway.

"See, you are affected by me and I'm not touching you yet."

"Jerk!"

She turned her back to him and walk away while giving the middle finger.

"You must do something about your boner. It will be a problem; the class is about to start."

She still heard his laughter.

"Hey, don't leave me here!" was the last thing she heard.

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"Sakura-chan! How's your weekend?" nicely asked by Tomoyo.

"You mean my brother's?"

"Don't be rude. It's not because I'm with him that you're not important to me anymore. I am still your best friend."

"Says who? You did not listen to me or to any of my advice. You're his cousin for God's sake!"

"Yeah, a very long distant cousin, at that. That no one really ever care. Except for you."

"What do you imply? That I am such a wuss, a party pooper and evil witch in your love story?"

"I never said that. I just want us to be back. I miss you Sakura-chan."

And the bell rang for the next period. Tomoyo did not hear the mumble of her best friend saying that she missed her too.

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I am such a wuss, a party pooper and evil witch in their love story. Believe me, I know.

I hate it. I hate this. Having feelings for Tomoyo and holding grudges against my brother, so wonderful that I might puke. The best thing is concealing the truth to them, to my family, sarcasm included.

We've been childhood friends, a friendship that literally started in our cribs. We are inseparable.

From telling hushed secrets to one another, laughing about our first date and first kiss and crying out our failed attempts in life. She truly is my best friend.

And came the confusion. It started when we enter high school. I have crushes on the boys in my neighborhood long before, but I saw myself thinking about her in a different way. Dreaming things with her in a different way.

I wanted to touch her. I wanted her just to be with me. Hear her voice and her melody.

I wanted to steal her.

The realization is instant that it's like a bomb that blew me away or it's just my acceptance of truth cannot keep up with my feelings. Either way.

The last straw is when they became an official thing six months ago. Imagine my shock. I am aware that she has a crush on Touya since then but did not suspect a breath that he reciprocated it. She said she kept it a secret because she did not want to preempt her only chance with him. I retaliated and reasoned out that he is way older (5 years gap) and her cousin to say the least. And on and on.

That was our biggest fight.

I thought that my world will collapse just remembering it. I became an angsty teenager and blamed it to hormones. My family was concerned but really did not intervene thinking I am just having issues just like with my brother before. Only if they knew.

Basically, that's the summary of my life. I am in love with my best friend who happened to be my brother's girlfriend. Don't forget that I have a creepy stalker who keeps dissing his perverted ideas to me. What a strange world.

I might go to hell.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Every once in a while, we experienced something that we, in ourselves cannot fathom or understand. In return, we act on instinct.

Your review is very much welcome! I would love to hear from you.

Disclaimer: Of course, I do not own CCS, I am just borrowing the characters.

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Chapter 2

For the fourth time, the alarm was snoozed. Sakura try to catch the last glimpse of her dream of a certain black-haired girl with amethyst eyes. Her soft hair being caressed by Sakura, holding her hands like she had the right to. Whispering promised words to one another.

"Sakura!" Touya pinched the nose of her drowsing sister.

"Hey!" She was immediately awakened by her brother's unforgivable act.

"It's already 10 'o'clock in the morning."

"And so? It's Saturday for crying out loud! I am a growing teen you know!"

"Enough of your reason. We have to prepare for lunch time. You won't grow anymore by prolonging your sleep. And Sakura, I've been meaning to ask you this. Would you please accompany us to the bonfire tomorrow?"

"You mean you and Tomoyo? Be the third wheel you say?"

"She's so shy to go with me. She'll not be comfortable surrounded by people not her age. She's your best friend, you can cheer her."

"You should have thought of that before dating an underage. And have you not read the memo that we are not in good terms now?"

Touya sighed. Exasperated. "You and your smart mouth. Am I wrong that you want her safe from the likes of me? Then be there tomorrow. You should not severe your ties with her. Isn't it about time to make up with Tomoyo?"

Sakura was silent. Weighing what her brother told her.

"One might think that you are jealous, squirt. You think that I stole Tomoyo from you. You're acting like a sour ex-boyfriend."

It seemed like the air suddenly left her lungs. She has problem breathing in that moment. While Sakura's trying to calm her nerves down, she said:

"Count me in but add one to the headcount. I might bring someone."

That is enough for Touya. He smiled triumphantly and gave her the details about the bonfire they are attending.

"For the record little sister, I'll be also watching you. Behave yourself tomorrow."

"Tsk as if. You will be busy minding your own business."

It's only when Touya left the room that Sakura felt at ease. He's so close to the truth that her face might give her away.

She dialed a number. A last resort to save herself in betraying herself.

Sakura muttered to herself, "Pick it up."

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"Really, what are we trying to do here?"

"Watching them. See, his hands are so freaking close to her butt. I want to punch him."

I say quietly to my companion with gritted teeth. Touya, your days are numbered. If dragging him won't make a scene, I'll gladly do.

"I say you are devouring them. Watching is quite a soft word."

"Hush!"

"Really, what to do? I'll just be watching you watching them?"

Seeing those two together, dancing slowly near the bonfire, I need to punch someone preferably Shaoran. Calling him to join with me is starting to be bad idea and I was certain that it was a bad idea from the start. Paint me desperate. I cannot think of someone to be a stand in for me. At least with him, he already knows.

"Wanna dance with me? I'll go slow with you." He suddenly murmured in my ears.

He's so close. Way to close to my personal space and comfort. What is in my mind exactly when I call him? Yeah, that I am a desperate person needing desperate measures.

"I don't think I came here just to stand. Can I have some little incentive?"

I shuddered as he licked my ears after that sentence.

"What the hell? Wanna die here?!"

The nerve of the guy! He needs some beating!

I faced him ready to fire angry words and assault him. What welcomed me is the burning eyes of Shaoran. Caught off guard. His eyes enveloped my whole being entirely. Like I fall in an infinite abyss. Suddenly I am aware of his penetrating gaze to me. His eyes. I cannot move. I am a deer caught in a headlight.

"You know it's true."

He claimed my hands and put it in his chest. I feel the accelerating heartbeat like it is shouting at me.

Like it wants to wake me in my trance.

"Like you can't explain your feelings for her, I can't resist your pull towards me."

Don't know how long we are in that position. I just see myself telling him, "It's just lust."

"Can I bed you now and find out?"

I just stared at him. Trying to process what's happening…

"Fuck you!"

And the magnetic moment is gone in an instant.

"Not if I fuck you first."

"Huh!" I want to scream all over the place and wipe that smirk on his face! I just walked out on him like I always do and go the keg stand.

Me as a smart mouth? Then what is he exactly? I mutter to myself.

I need a minute to myself.

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"Sakura-chan, are you having a blast? You and Shaoran, is he your boyfriend now?"

"You could say that."

Totally. If you could say a pervert is your boyfriend. Yeah, why not?

Tomoyo and I are waiting for the two of them to order our food. The line is long we just decided to wait for them in our picnic area.

This is the only sane part of the night. Me with Tomoyo. Like the old times. Taking our time together as if the world is ours.

"This bonfire, if I'll be true, is not my thing. I'd rather take photographs than to engage with so many people. I felt dizzy just by remembering a name or two. I only want to make Touya happy."

That's what I like with her. No bullshit. Straight to the point and no sugar coating. We say what we want to say. Well that's not absolutely true. I am hiding a secret from her in fact.

"I'm happy that you and Shaoran's together. Though he's not the average gentleman, he's a match for you as I can see. Average is overrated for you anyway."

"Mhhmmm Mhmmm" Yeah, I am a moron now with only few words to back up my vocabulary.

I watch Tomoyo in my peripheral view. She seemed content contradictory to what she said earlier. Is this the effect of Touya on her? Me on the other hand cannot tell any more lies to this angel before me.

"Hey, do you want a girl's day next Saturday? There's a mini museum of sweet treats in the new mall near my house. They said it's photo worthy. We can eat later in our favorite restaurant, we could talk about things. You know, catch up. We both have boyfriends now! We could talk about them!"

"Sure"

"For real?" She squealed then hugged me. "I miss you very much Sakura-chan. I am surprised that you agree with me."

Me too. I'm also surprised at myself for accepting her offer.

All the months that I kept myself from her. All the time that I failed to truly tell her what's inside me. All the jokes and secrets we'd missed out. I can no longer deny that I miss this girl. My Tomoyo.

See her. Hear her. Feel her. Steal her.

A rat running in maze. I'll just end up waiting for her, watching her, wanting her. I cannot prolong this feud anymore.

I want her back. I need to be in her life. Taking what she could give me. In whatever form.

I hugged Tomoyo back.


	3. Chapter 3

A / N: Your review will be very much appreciated =)

Disclaimer: I never said that I own CCS.

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Chapter 3

If my life would be written, it may look that I won't be the heroine of my own story. Well, I never claim that I am a heroine after all. My pathetic excuses, negativity and passivity. I can't even come out of the box that our society put me in.

Same thing, I don't have a prince waiting for me. No grand proposal, no white horse, no knight in shining fucking armor. Truth to be told, I don't need one. I can be a prince myself.

Five days. I've been with Tomoyo for five days of our classes, in between classes and lunch time. Like nothing happened. Like it was the continuation of our friendship. Like the six months of our animosity was gone.

We don't dwell on what had occurred before. We never say a thing about it. I accepted it and she forgave my attitude on her decision to be with Touya.

I am so high. Like I drunk liters of soda. Like I ate my favorite food in buffet style. Like I smoke something though I don't know exactly since I never use one. The best time of my life. I felt like we are a couple starting over again.

I can freely laugh with her. I can freely feel her skin when I touch her. A sensual touch masked in an innocent intention. Though, it's not really that freeing since I can't truly express my feelings for her. I just act like her best friend. Like how a best friend should act. I act appropriately. Just within my limits.

This girl undid me. She's the first thought in the morning and my dreams at night. Whenever I am home, I always fantasize about her. Missing her like crazy even though I'll see her tomorrow. She invaded every cell in me that I don't know anything else anymore.

I am hypnotized.

Addicted.

She owned me wholly although she still doesn't know about it.

So here I am lying in my bed. Guess what? Of course, I am thinking about her. My date with her tomorrow. I can't sleep knowing that it's only hours away before I meet her again.

I felt the excitement building within me.

I am a hopeless case of addict. I don't think there's a rehab facility that can cure this illness.

I grabbed the mattress just to stop the over active nerves in me. The dim light in my room do not help to ease my jitters. Suddenly I want to destroy the pink wallpapers in the room and paint it with something else. Something else so long that it's not pink.

How long since I have this affection towards her? I am afraid that someday I'll just barge in her door and demand her to be with me. That I can no longer control myself and proclaim my feelings towards her.

Is this the feeling of one sided love? That you have so much to give but don't take anything in return. That you know that you'll be hurt anytime soon but you still pursue anyway. Even your brain tells you to stop, you just can't.

That you just accept that it's not a matter of you deciding whether to continue or not. You became the inertia, continuing its way because it cannot be unchanged. You just flow. Endlessly.

My phone rings.

It's a text from Tomoyo. A text that sent my heart somersaulting.

"Be on time tomorrow Sakura-chan!"

"I would not miss it for the world."

"You sure you don't want it to be a double date?"

Hell no. And share her? I'm greedy like that. I will monopolize her as long as I can.

"Enough of them. It's our girl's day, right?"


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Listening to loud music now than hearing the semi shouting semi singing my neighbor seems to be doing. Hope I can write Sakura-chan a modest line.

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Chapter 4

Only slept for 3 hours top but I looked refreshed and vivid.I like this high definition of me. Looking at myself at the mirror, my eyes sparkling, my face can't hide a smile. Wearing a blue camisole and white skirt, paired up with my black sneakers, I'm good to go. Just bringing my cellphone, wallet and a few girly things with me, I don't need anything.

The ride to Tomoyo's place will take me at least thirty minutes. Touya offered a ride but I refused. I'll gladly take the cab. Smiling to myself, I felt like running to get to her. My adrenaline will permit me, I assume.

The drive to her place is so familiar that I can even go there blindfolded. The buildings, the houses, the trees. I knew it all. All the left and right turn. It is like coming home.

It is a breezy day. The sun shining warmly to practically every creature. It will be a wonderful day, I know it.

Once the cab pulled over and I paid my dues, I dashed hurriedly to Tomoyo's residence. Can't waste any minute. Can't stop now. I felt giddy.

Even before I doorbell, Tomoyo appeared in their gate. Ready as well. Geared with her big bag and her digital camera.

"Are we going scouting? I think I'm not informed."

"Ha ha. Sakura-chan. Funny. As if you don't know me."

 _I knew you to well like the back of my hands._

"Lead the way miss. May we not catch diabetes from it."

"So excited to take pictures of the gallery. It's good, I've already seen some from the internet."

"Wow, I sense some competition here. You sure this is a girls' bonding? From the looks of it, I'll just be tagging along with the photographer." I teased her.

"Ouch. Of course not! You're bad Sakura-chan! Suspecting your best friend like that!"

We are laughing while we traverse the way to the sweet themed gallery. But really, I just watch her laughing. Savoring the sweet melody that is her laughter.

It's just a ten-minute walk from her home. We registered our name upon our arrival and proceed inside. For a five days event, the set up is amazing. There are five rooms in total. We visit the Ice Cream Land first. Welcomed by big cones and heavenly scoop of ice cream, I can't help but admire the design. It took a great effort to strategically placed the cones that it won't look like overcrowded in here. There are different flavors of ice creams around. The staff looking prepared themselves, wearing colorful outfits.

I chose the matcha flavored one, and Tomoyo got the strawberry flavored. Before we leave the room, Tomoyo took too many shots for me to count.

Next's the Gummy Land, which deemed to be my favorite. Assorted gummy candies. In different shapes and sizes, come in different colors. There are gigantic bears around and swinging artificial candies from the ceiling. The place is nothing but magical.

The other rooms are Cupcake Land, Unicorn Land and Mallows Land. We are stuffed with many sweet things we've ate. Every room offered mouth watering desserts that we cannot say no even though we are already full.

"Sakura-chan I think I might throw up. But in a good way. I did enjoy the gallery."

"Yeah, may our teeth not rot in all the candies we ate. I am amazed in how much cake you ate in the Cupcake Land. Really, you should have an award for it."

We are loitering in the lounge, talking about our experience in the rooms. Tomoyo while devouring inside never failed to capture our moments together. She showed me the pictures she took in her digital camera. While reviewing it, Tomoyo explaining the techniques she used became a background. I cannot tear away my eyes from the photo. Not because of the technique she prides herself with but how the camera captured how happy I am with her.

Pure bliss.

Nothing can be really said but that. She brought the joy the she could only bring. My hope in the confusing world I am in. The clear picture in the blurred background. If I would recount starting from the day we met, Tomoyo is the sun that keeps me warm and fuzzy inside. And as the sun, she became the center of my life.

From the days that I felt sullen, she tried her best to cheer me up. The days that my crush ignored me, she bought me ice cream and dragged me to manhunt. The days that I got low scores, she tutored me with all her might to ensure that I will not flunk again. The day I tried cheerleading, she was like a stage mom crying for me and telling me how great I am. The days that I got sick, she went to my house and brought me fruits and soup. The days I felt depressed just because I'm lonely about life, we had a night long drive. Chasing the wind from our hands, staring at the moon and asking about the mysteries of life. The days I felt afraid, she just hugged me. Soothing all my uncertainties and worries.

In truth I have more photographs of me in her room and albums. Saying that I am the best model she ever had.

What's not to love? She's the best friend I could hope for and dreamed. The lover I wanted secretly.

"Sakura-chan?" My stupor was suddenly broken by her voice. I see myself glancing in her angelic face.

"Oh no, you spaced out again. Well, I won't bother you again with my boring speech of photography."

"You're like a child." I laughed a little to her.

"Hey, you don't do that me. Me, your best friend who always wait for you after cheerleading practices and not once miss your performance." She harrumphed.

"What's this? Are we counting now what we've done for each other?"

We both laughed.

This.

The perfection my heart knew all along.

It should just stay this way.

"Since we are both full from all those desserts, we must head to our favorite tea house now. It'll help to digest all that sugar."

 _Anything you want. Anywhere. If you say you want to go to the end of the world, I'll gladly take your hand go over there._

We ordered tea with lemon, both our favorite. Sitting in our favorite spot in the cozy restaurant we knew since we are ten.

"What a good day to have. Right, Sakura-chan?"

"More than a good day. We can show our pictures to Rika and others on Monday. They will be mad at us for not inviting them."

"Yeah, they'll be. But I want to be with you."

My heart hammered hard in my chest. It might as well drop in the table. It's not what I think, is it?

"I missed you. I missed my best friend. I was afraid that I can't be with you anymore. That you don't want to be my best friend any longer."

 _It's not that. For a short moment, I thought you also want me. In a different way though. What an instant mortifying moment indeed._

"We had our rough road. Don't be sad Tomoyo. We'll be fine from now on."

"Thank you. By the way, you're still not telling me your story with Li-kun."

I splattered the tea a little.

"Nothing to tell, really. We just hit it off. Not a novel material if you'd ask me."

"Hmmmm, the way he looks at you, it says differently. You have magic that make him fell deeply in to you."

I forgot Shaoran in the short time I'm with Tomoyo again. In truth, I rarely see the guy. I know he's busy with the upcoming basketball winter cup. That's all I know. After the bonfire, he suddenly stopped harassing me. It's better that way, I guess. I should plan now the story of our "break-up". I don't want to be associated with him like how I'm associated with him right now.

 _Not if I fuck you first. The intensity of his gaze on me._

I shivered a little. No, it's just temporary lust. Like I said. I'm better off not to think about it. Again.

Tomoyo. Right. I'm with the person I loved most.

"You have a funny face Sakura-chan. Thinking about him, eh? Hmmmm, I could totally relate. The winter's cup is coming so he's so busy nowadays. You could support him you know, wait for him after the practice."

"I would if I could. I have cheerleading practice too and the exams are on its way."

"Yeah, you're right. Let's just wait for this busy season to end. It won't be long, and we will be with our beloved!"

I nodded my approval with her.

 _My beloved. I am with her now, actually._


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Your review will be highly valued!

Disclaimer: I never own Card Captor Sakura.

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I'm out of breath after two hours of our practice. Even our coach said that the last stunt that we did was the last, it's sure it isn't.

"One more backflip Kinimoto-san!"

Standing on my toes and bending on my knees, this routine is a child's play for me. After jumping straight up into the air, creating my momentum, I held my knees close to my chest and complete the backflip. I never wavered, losing my concentration will result in a fatal injury. I spotted my landing area, untucked my knees and landed gracefully.

I heard hoot and hollers from my teammates. I returned the favor by smiling at them.

"Nothing less from you Kinimoto-san."

This is the second year of my cheerleading here at Tomoeda High and the best so far.

"All right, let's start the new routine that you'll perform the in the winter cup."

Haha. See? She said earlier that we'll be finished after the last stunt but that's how we practice. The last is really not the last. Not if you are so competitive and the camaraderie is there. Sure, it's tiring. Every muscle of yours will bend and mend. And even if you are careful, there's still be few accidents here and there. Let's not forget the fear of learning new skills for the first time, where you could actually break your bones and get bruises. You just have to trust your instructor and yourself to deliver the stunt.

And nothing; nothing beats the feeling when you're about to perform and hear the music. The worries are gone, and you become the fearless one. The crowd, the contest and the game, you suddenly forget about it and go with the flow. Be the sassiest version of yourself. The roars, the cheer from them became your power and guide.

"Sakura-chan, you're really passionate about this. I can see it clearly from your face. Oh god, I'm dog tired after five hours of practice thinking that I'll have a Math quiz this afternoon. I thought we will practice after class, not the other way around? And to start at 6 o'clock in the morning? God forbids."

A long litany from Chiharu. My team mate and classmate since elementary. She's playing now with her twin tails and huffing from the unfairness that she said.

"At least, we're not going home late anymore. Just waking up very early. I have to beg Touya last night to wake me so that I can attend today. Well, that'll be the case for now. Hmmmm, now that I think about it, every morning…."

No, I'm not a morning person.

"Haha. You won't be late to class. That's the good thing."

"Yeah right. Let's head to the canteen before anyone does. I'm famished after all that backflips that we did."

Between the canteen and the gym is the wide field that the athletes used. We're sweating when we arrived at the place. We got our tray and food and went to our usual spot. Only Yamazaki is sitting there.

Munching over his food while reading his latest manga.

"Where are the others?"

She meant Tomoyo, Rika and Eriol. They are the only circle of friends that I have.

"Tomoyo is out in the music club, practicing." I answered Chiharu.

Tomoyo texted me earlier her disappointment that our practices were in the same time. She thought that she could take a video of our first practice for our performance. Much to her dismay. Although that's the case, I'm not that saddened since we are speaking of my favorite activity. I can at least stop my obsession with her for a few moments.

"Well, Eriol is at the field with the soccer team and Rika's in the theater house for the play they will launch in time for the winter cup."

"Oh, everyone's busy. Except for you." She sneered to Yamazaki.

"Except for me." Already agreeing with her.

Yamazaki is also a soccer player and Glee club member but decided not to participate in the winter cup this time. He said that he'll focus on studies this semester.

"And that manga will help you study?"

"I've read this article that if you read a manga before you study…."

"Stop right there or else…."

I burst out laughing remembering that I used to believe him before. If not for Chiharu threatening him to tell me that all his nonsense are all lies, I will continue to do so. His story telling is so believable that everything he said made sense to me. Or I'm that naive as Chiharu pointed out.

They start to bicker like an old couple. I smiled to the scene before me. This two, really.

"Before I forget…"

Chiharu glared down at me. Huh? What's that for?

"What's the deal between you and Li?"

And I just looked at her grasping the right answer to tell them.

"Don't give me that look. I knew it from Tomoyo-chan and from a friend of mind who saw you mushy mushy with Li at the bonfire last week."

Mushy mushy my ass.

"Ah..well, you see… We just happened to like each other… Yeah, that's it. But I don't think it will last. With all the busy sched. Nothing serious, I think." I can't help but stutter after being caught off guard. I never imagine that this'll be an issue.

"Li? The kid from Class-B?

"Yes. The one from the basketball team."

"Isn't he the one stalking Sakura?"

"No, you don't say stalking if the boy is hot. I can finally see that our Sakura gave in to those seductive brown eyes and wolfish smile."

"What? No! I mean, that's beyond the point. I ju… I just see him in a different light now."

I tried to grasp a coherent thought on how exactly to explain my situation without giving away my real situation. And not to look like a slut either.

"That's wonderful for you. I hope that his athletic build is not the only thing that helped you see him in a different light." She wiggled her brows at me suggesting otherwise.

I think my face looks like a tomato now not knowing what to say. I remember him…. I tried not to remember our last encounter… If only I can unheard and unseen him.

"Is he that good Sakura-chan? Your face speaks for you." She's teasing me now, the little runt.

"At least she's not a lesbo…."

WHAT!

I turned sharply to Yamazaki to verify his word. Pray, do tell.

"Lesbo? Did I hear you right the first time?"

Both Chiharu and I are looking at him questioningly. Chiharu, aghast, "You're a pimp you know. Stop saying such things to her."

"Just voicing out what our classmates are talking about lately."

"Don't let him affect you Sakura-chan. He's just being his idiot self again." Deathly glares are pouring down to Yamazaki's direction.

"I'm your friend. That's a fact. I'm not thinking bad things about you Sakura. I'm not assuming too. Just want to let you know before you heard it from the rumor mill."

"Kyaaaaahhhhhh!" Chiharu strangled him full force.

Then I'm left to my own world oblivious to their noises.

That's not the first time I heard it. From whispers in the corridors and hush conversation in the girls' bathroom, I know they are talking about it for some time.

 _She never had a boyfriend. She's always with the girls if you don't count Hirigizawa and Yamazaki. She turned down a boy again, is she playing for the other team?_

So many speculations about me.

What is a lesbian? Someone who's attracted to same sex? Like how a girl should want a boy, she wants a girl instead? That by standard, they are in different spectrum?

Then I'm a lesbian since I like Tomoyo? A very simple conclusion.

Yet I can't agree to the idea. I don't like-like girls per se but only Tomoyo. I'm not attracted to other girls other than her. I always admire boys from now and then but what I feel for Tomoyo is far different.

Then I'm a bisexual you say?

Neither. I don't think that it can be boxed that easily. Just because I want Tomoyo, they can call me a lesbian and not because I admire boys and love Tomoyo, they will resort to calling me a bisexual.

In the end, it's just a name, really.

You can never sum up a person with just a word. You need to write a sonata and a novel to at least describe one's exterior. And we are not talking about the interior yet.

Let's just say that I'm a girl who preferred Tomoyo over everyone else.

What's wrong with that? If that's what I really want?

I will only live once to pay attention to their bullshit right and wrong. People are prude and hypocrite and judgmental anyway. And I am but one for saying that.

But still.

It irked me. It never fails to make me question myself. Enough to confuse me for a little while. I'm not a stone after all.

"Sakura-chan?"

"Huh?"

"Don't let it get to your head. We're here for you including this brat."

"Sorry Sakura." Yamazaki is now looking at me sheepishly.

"Now I proved them wrong. I'm just picky. I don't spread my legs to anyone."

That's ten times wrong using Shaoran like that. I don't want to hide behind him. Enough of my lies, I have to end this soon. No matter how rude he is to me, I have no right whatsoever to do this to him.

"Hey! Did you already spready your legs to Li?!" Chiharu stand up and scandalously asked.

I had to cover her mouth with my hands and Yamazaki had to get her down to stop creating a scene in the canteen.

"Easy girl. No of course not! I'm just saying."

It's getting harder every minute.

A few words and a few explanations were needed to calm her down.

"So wanna say hi to the guy entering the canteen?"

Just when I'm about to suggest that we leave the place, Shaoran and his teammates are on their way to our spot.

Or maybe I can prolong for a little time. Just for a little time. This web of lies I'm weaving.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Oh, I've been also waiting for this chapter. Shaoran, my childhood crush. Hehe.

Disclaimer: Only if I own CCS…

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I've been caught staring at him. Can't help but to stare. I'd blame this to Chiharu for instilling in my brain that he got gorgeous eyes. Wait, she just said brown eyes. I concluded the former. Oh well…

Without prejudice, I'll admit Shaoran is a fine young lad. From his ash brown hair, to his handsome face and good physique, he's more than fine. When the world showered "hotness" to mankind, he sure brought a tumbler with him. A big one.

I'd lie if I say I don't notice his sensual thin lips combined with defined cheekbones and pointy nose. From his brows to his eyes to his jaw, everything is perfectly asymmetrical. He had a face that will make you take a double look with him. Girls are swooning in his five miles radius.

Let's not forget the rest of him. That slim but tough looking body enough to make my face heated. So, let's stop there before anyone comment about my unsolicited blush. I'll just continue the descriptive words when I'm safe. In my room. God.

The way he moves, it's always with authority. Like a lion parading with his pride. As if his looks are not enough, he has to match it with actions. There's nothing humble about the guy. That includes his personality.

The deal breaker for me.

A good-looking guy. A good-looking guy who knows about it. A good-looking guy who knows about it and boast himself with it. I want to stuff him with something to at least slow down the accelerating speed of his bloating ego.

I cannot fall for someone just by his looks. I don't do superficial thing. Not interested with linear matter. Height and width is not enough. It should have its depth. What matter most to me is what's inside. Take Tomoyo for example.

"Fancy meeting your girlfriend here, Shaoran." The captain of basketball team stopped their track to us. The guys snicker.

Of course, my friends are not the only ones. The magnitude of my desperate plan.

Unlike me who is beyond unnerved about the situation. He just acted coolly. Like it's no big deal. Like it's the truth. Looking at him, I might as well believe the lies I concocted.

"Can we table with you guys? I felt bad for Shaoran for not having enough time with his girl." The way he looked to Shaoran is totally suspicious.

Boys will be boys after all.

"Hey, how's my favorite person in the world?" The question is directed to me. From Shaoran to me. He put his hand around my shoulder. I stayed still, wishing for it not be uncomfortable. Yeah, this is not awkward at all.

I managed a smile to him. "I'm fine. Happy now that you're here."

Someone guffawed in our table. All eyes are on us.

"Hope you don't miss me that much. When this is over…." He leaned closer to me, then whispered softly for them not to hear, "…. I'll be like a shadow to you. Won't leave your side anymore."

"Get a room you two!" Everyone laughs. Except for us. Shaoran smirked while I'm stupefied. If not for a fact that we are acting, and this is the result of my own making, I'll truly and passionately gut this guy. He has no shame.

They started to talk about the upcoming events for the cup. It's admiring that Chiharu and Yamazaki never felt left out. They also join the conversation. I smiled and nodded to them like a good girl.

"Guys, please excuse us for now. I need to have a short quality time with Sakura."

He pulled me with him and took my hand. Before my brain can process the situation, I'm already in my feet, good to go.

"Sure, sure kids. Don't do anything reckless."

"Sakura-chan, see you later in class!" I think that's Chiharu.

They are all staring at us with funny faces. Good call Shaoran. Way to go for them to think sleazy things about us.

We walked in silent, still holding hands. The only retrieve I got is that I could squeezed his hand real hard while I hold it. I hope that I can crush his bones.

"Afraid to let go of me?" 

"Of course!" I squeezed his hand a little more.

"Ouch! I never peg that you want the hard stuff Sakura."

Gaaaahhhhh! All his dirty innuendo.

"Where are we going?"

"To the most secluded part of the school."

"The nerve of you…." I tried my best to convey my disgust with him through words, not with actions. "One of this day, I'll just bury your body somewhere where it can rot peacefully."

"Haha. Well, do you want to talk it out in front of them? Or in some place where someone might hear us? I assume you don't want that, do you?"

So, he can be reasonable sometimes. But I still look at him warily. Still not trusting this jerk of a guy.

"Hmmmmmmmm, fine. Do it your way. Mind you, I know self defense." I agreed with him.

What harm could he really do to me? I'll just kick him in the nuts if he tries something perverted.

Our destination is an old science lab. I roam my eyes in the unfamiliar room. The place reeks of musty atmosphere. There's a hint of smell of chemicals in the air. An incomplete skeletal system dangle in the northern part of the lab. Beakers, test tubes, microscopes and other laboratory supplies lined up in the glass cabinets. There are different charts in every corner.

"How do you know this place? Is this abandoned?"

"I know every part of this school. Yeah, the admin plans to renovate this room, but I don't know when they will start."

"Is this where you bring your daily conquest?"

"No, hardly. This place is too sweet for them."

"You're a pig."

"I don't think we came here to argue about my morals."

How can I ever win an argument with this guy…

Before I begin to answer him, my phone blasted a song, signaling that someone is calling me.

 _Rika._

"Hello, what's up?"

"Sakura-chan? How are you? I will go straight to the point. Our club will be showing 'Romeo and Juliet' next week. It's a short notice since we need fund for our upcoming play. Already called the others, Tomoyo will go with Touya, Chiharu with Yamazaki and Eriol with the girl she's currently dating. Please support us Sakura-chan. It'll help if you'd bring along Li with you. We need head count for the show."

"Ah…." I can't help but look at Shaoran. Do we really have to do this? And if I don't bring him, I refuse to be a third wheel to any of them. "Sure, why not? We'll be there."

"Thanks a lot! I'm hurrying up, let's chat some other time! Bye!"

"No worries. Bye." I'm sealing my own coffin for keeping up the pretenses. Since when did I became a master of it? Is this really as easy as it seems since I'm keeping my feelings to Tomoyo from exactly everyone?

"Black parade is your favorite song?"

Huh? I crunched my eyebrows at him when it came to me that he's pertaining to my ringing tone.

"No. Why would you assume?"

"That's your ringing tone."

"That's just you assuming. No, I won't put my favorite song as my ringing tone. So, I can associate it with annoying calls? Never. I'll gladly listen to it peacefully."

He stifled a laughed. "That's a good point."

"Free your schedule next week. We will watch Romeo and Juliet with my friends. Everyone will be present, I have to bring you there."

What I do want to tell him is the inevitable end of our fake relationship. That we should stop it once and for all without making a huge mess out of it. That we'd tell them that we don't really hit it off and decided to part ways as soon as possible to avoid anymore drama. I've had the story with me, I just need his approval and our sync explanation to make everything believable.

Until the call.

"I like you bossy. It turned me on. But I hate to tell you that I can't say yes so soon. There should be something for me in return. Let me ask you, what's in store for me?"

He smiled at me cosmically. He knows he's right. He knows that I know his right. I don't want to be indebted to him.

"Very well. What do you want?"

"Simple. Just a kiss."

"Sure. Then let's settle thi… What?! Are you fucking kidding me?" I'm more than ready to hit the guy. My patience is wearing down by second.

"No. That'll be your payment. I don't need your money and I can do my assignments and projects well. That's the only thing that will do."

"You want me to fall for that? As if I don't know that you have a beeline of girls. You never had a day that you're out of stock Shaoran!" Sure, he doesn't need money, this tool is filthy rich. And he doesn't need a hand in school related matters, he's not an idiot.

"You sound like you're jealous, Sakura. It's just that I'm afraid that I won't get to do that unless through this deal."

I looked up him in the eye. Searching any foul motives behind it or any sign that he's just fooling around me.

None.

"What's this? Do you have a you-fucked-list that you want to complete? Should every name of the girls in the school must be in it?"

"No and no. It's just a kiss, not fucking. Unless you want it…"

"Thread carefully boy, I'm fantasizing now on how to hurt you very, very badly if you utter a single world that's not necessary in this conversation."

The corner of his mouth turned up. This guy is riling me up.

"Fine. I just want to kiss you."

I'm startled at his directness. As I said, there's nothing humble about this prick.

"Why?"

"Why so many question?"

Since this guy is not prying on my reasons either, I will let this go.

"To the lips."

One after another. Tell me, world, why do I need to attend again the bullshit things my friends want me to attend? Why are there so many activities by the way? I'd be happy to be left alone in the sanctuary that is my room.

I closed my eyes, counted from one to ten, evened out my breathing before I talk to Shaoran again.

"No can do. You can kiss my cheek."

I should take an award for this. All the stress. It's very rare for me to be calm in a situation like this, like we're trying to talk about the weather. In normal days, when someone other than my friend or family asked about the weather, I just look at them and say, "Do I fucking look like a weatherman to you?"

I'm so angsty like that. And I have the free pass of reasoning that I'm a teenager.

"What are we, five? Fine, I won't take away your first kiss just yet. Your neck will do."

I am calling now all the gods I know. Please let me be a gentle person. Please let me be a gentle person. Prayers are miraculous, isn't it?

Before I get a heart attack from this argument and be sent to a juvenile prison for killing a person, I will finish this now.

"So be it. After the play, you can get the kiss from me."

He looked like a cat who just ate a big fish.

"By the way, how can you say that I'm not kissed yet? You are too assuming, did someone tell you that?"

"You did a while ago. One last piece of advice. You should wear a mask. Your face is a dead giveaway."

He then turned away from me and proceed to the exit.


End file.
